Does television make you want to spoon your eyes carefully out of their sockets? Well, we think yes, so we're advising you to DO IT NOW. Sure, you'd miss pretty things like yooouuutuuube, the 1 EAF exhibition that doesn't suck (everyone loves a dead rockers performance at an art show) and the girl sitting opposite you in the coffee shop.

But don't despair you'll still be able to experience things that smell nice like drawer liners. They're scented and they make all of the things you put in them smell like flowers, or coffee, or the sweetheart you dated when you were 16. Nice.

Cover photography by Jennifer Ann

Irving Baby's $2 Second-hand Clothing Sale

$2! What can you buy for $2? Two packets of chewing gum. Maybe. Two-thirds of a flavoured condom. What? Half a schooner. If only they came in halves.

This Saturday Irving Baby will be bringing in a bunch of pre-loved garments for your purse's pleasure. Everything will be $2! So remember to bring your own bag, their will be no plastic for you, except for your debt ridden low-rate VISA.

When: Saturday, May 16th, 11am - 5pm
Where: Irving Baby! 83 Hindley Street

Let’s Dance for Cancer: YAY!

Breaking news! A couple of weeks ago, Home Slice weren’t invited to an A-List party. We’re not bitter, really, we aren’t. Home Slice is C-List maybe B at best and happy to be so. It takes a little more than free booze to completely corrupt us, but free cigarettes and we feel conflicted.

A well known cigarette company was responsible for this event, a so called ‘lavish’ event full of free alcohol and cigarettes for the people happy to drink and smoke now, think later.

Though this may seem a harsh appraisal of those attending, this party wracked our minds. One hand we thought, ‘free booze and cigarettes, if they want to give the people a free party, then why not?’. However, call it a cynical view, and perhaps an obvious one, but isn’t it safe to assume that this cigarette company would not be funding a utilitarian party only for the benefit of those attending. Surely their marketing nerds would have to justify a spend like this, and prove that these parties end up in sales of more cigarettes.

Last time we checked, more cigarettes = more cancer.

Now, not to preach like a rigid old Catholic, as it is not a sin to bum a smoke when tipsy and in the right mood, nor is it awful that you can’t kick the habit. But we do question the people who attend without thought for the old man in the Cancer ward just a few blocks away who didn’t know the stuff was killing him. We also question the willingness of some people to forfeit their objections in the name of free shit.

Shoot us an email on your thoughts, we’d love to hear from you.

When: A while ago..
Where: Queen's Theatre

Little Black Bike

Yeeew!

Let's quote the poetic lyrics of local middle raged skate-punk band The Slimeballs in their own Ballroom Blitz inspired ditty. It goes a little like this, “Rollerblades! Rollerblades! Rollerblades! Fuck Roller... BMX! BMX!”

Get the point?

Pulteney is becoming our go to street for all things bicycle. You've got JT's, the bicycle chain behemoth, the new Classic Bicycle Shop, the source for a vintage ride, and now Little Black Bike, SA's only rider owned and run BMX store.

So have a look if your looking for a new crank, want some lube, need a wheel build or just want to share some stoke. They've got some snazzy threads too!

Linky: Little Black Bike
Where: 447 Pulteney Street
When: Open 6 Days, Church is Sunday.

fräuleins playthings

There's a little room, in a little place, on a bigish street, that has a blender full of girls and art. This blender has been set to smoothie and pretty soon eight girls will smoosh their eight different flavours of yum onto the walls.

It could taste like that time you made a sandwich with your left over Paneer Makhani and vegemite, but most probably it'll be smooth and delicious.

When: Wednesday, June 3rd, 6pm
Where: Urban Cow, upstairs, 11 Frome St

'Hallwayland'

'What the hell have I done with the last three years?'. Some former film students just may ask themselves this question.

Meanwhile, Neale, David and Leigh (our longboarding hero) are working on 'Hallwayland', a locally made sitcom pitched at the ABC, inspired by the likes of Summer Heights High, Nathan Barley and The Office. They've been nice enough to load a little clip, and we like what we see.

If you're a young lady looking for your break, get in touch, the makers of Hallwayland are on the hunt for another cast member.

group: f***book
video: Meet Michael
email: hallwayland.tv@gmail.com

Wish you were there: Winnerfest

Instead of running a generic album launch complete with bored merch girlfriends and a couple of supports, and rather than using your daddies money to hire out a venue like The Queens Theatre in a talentless musical stunt, No Through Road went better. Winners.

A bain-marie in the corner packed full of steaming noodles and an expansive merch table was the proof that this was indeed a full blown fully catered festival of dreams, let alone the 12 strong lineup and two stages!!!

We enjoyed the electro-pop sounds of The Pitchfork Council and the country styled musings of Henry Wagons that often descended into banter with the crowd, but our favourite beyond favourites were The Avant Gardeners. Ranting poetic over a wall of progressively assembled noise underpinned by the deepest of grooves.

It almost seemed like, for once, someone was actually saying something, like it actually mattered.

Love and Hate
words by Nick.

Hate... The Galvatrons. Kind of, they’re almost too much of an easy target. And it’s hard to really justify hating them for what they do, if the Melbournites want to make a living wishing they were Van Halen then goodluck to them. But if this is what is being touted the sparkling new wave of Australian music (we’re looking at you Rip It Up!), if this coverband-esque act is what is taking the place of real artists coming through the ranks, then it’s a worrying time we’re living in. If I got on stage with my favourite 80s cock rock record, some choreography and some douches with tight pants and bad hair it would be an equally credible show. Who knows, maybe with enough hype I might make the cover of Rip It Up?

Love... Woods. Because when things are bad at home, outsource! The Brooklyn freak-folksters have been getting some fine attention of late following the release of ‘Songs of Shame’, and my word is it deserved. The aching falsetto of Jeremy Earl, the meandering lo-fi guitars that almost have a life of their own, oh how the days will rain on you...

Dorkbot johnny #5

Last weekend, while you were brushing your long black hair in front of the mirror waiting for your slutty best friend to pick you up in her Audi A4, Robert was playing with his Fluorescent Tube Oscillator and making 15Kv DC Sparks.

If your name is Robert, or you know someone named Robert, you might want to come along to Dorkbot #5. They make pretty glitchy hardware hack sex machines.

This month's sex machine is: DIY glitch radio.

When: Sunday, May 24th, 7.30pm
Where: Level 5, Schultz Building, University of Adelaide

Riddle me this, Damien Mason

Did you study?
I'm not formally trained, so I suppose my answer to this is "the internets". The greatest problem I have is a lack of somebody to critically examine my work and tell me how to improve.
ed: more vector t-shirts!

Been drawing long?
I've been drawing since pretty much forever, but very unprofessionally. I started with pencils, then moved on to charcoal, acrylic paints, and it wasn't until my last year of high school that I discovered the joy of oil paints. I moved from there to vector art, which is where I tend to stay now.

Favourite Adelaide artist?
I'm a huge fan of was Mike Hepburn and for fine arts hit I strongly recommend you check out the embroidery of Sera Waters although you have to see the work up close to really appreciate it. The detail is stunning.

Current obsession?
My little baby boy named Oscar, he's my number one obsession. Every day there's something new, he'll discover how to squeal with laughter or, more regularly, punch me in the face. Also my new iPhone, my Wacom tablet, Iaido, cool art toys and papercraft. And the Monkey Apocalypse, but I'm not allowed to talk about that.

Music?
I'm a huge fan of the Aussie band Augie March, and I think of their new album "Pennywhistle" is my favourite track. It's got that Irish folk feel to it, and who doesn't like that? I've also been listening to a lot of Ray LaMontagne, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists.. and then occasionally I'll have a Tom Waits day and just burn through all his albums.

Adelaide, love it or hate it?
Oh man, I love it AND hate it. Honestly. I love the city.. there's fantastic food, obviously great wine, you can drive for an hour and feel like you're in a completely different place. It's relaxed and quiet but there are actually things to do. At the same time so many of the people have this misplaced sense of entitlement, a weird passive-aggressive attitude that makes it really unpleasant to have to drive anywhere or go to any major gathering. They also seem to think Adelaide is perfect, and wont accept any criticism.. which is why we have a sub-par public transport system and a lack of cultural verve. I guess I see Adelaide as a city of massive potential that is as yet untapped.